Fear of Intimacy ~ Relationship Help
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Fear of Intimacy: Our Greatest Fear, Our Greatest Challenge
By Linda Pendleton
Since ancient time, man's innate drive has been to achieve intimacy, yet, it is his/her greatest fear. Why do we fear it? You fear intimacy because in order to achieve true intimacy you have to surrender - to give up control. The idea of "giving up control," in ancient time, and in present time, stirs up anxiety and fear.
Safety and Sanctuary
Fear can make your life stagnate, unproductive, lonely, and painful. It is human nature to desire safety and sanctuary. But fear of not having safety and sanctuary can disable you if too much emphasis is placed upon it. It is natural for you to want to be safe from harm, to find sanctuary away from the tribulations of life, but often in the struggle to ensure these desires, you may pull away, retreat from life, and in doing so, the illusion of separation rears its head. If you can welcome fear, face it head-on and embrace it, it will dissolve. It is a matter of perception and reaction and letting go.
According to Dr. Peebles' teachings, the search for security is foremost in your conscious mind, but your soul desire and need for intimacy prevails. With true intimacy, there is no need to desire security, for it is there - secure within your heart and secure within your soul.
How often do you turn away or run from a "threat" of intimacy? Ask yourself why you consider it a threat? Again, is it the fear of surrender, of giving up control? You might think, "Oh, if I give in to intimacy, good heavens! - I give up a part of me!"
When you deny yourself intimacy, the end result is pain because the desire for intimacy is a powerful force. So a cycle begins - move away from intimacy - it brings pain; desire intimacy and without it - pain.
An intimate relationship can take many forms: be it an intimate relationship with your spouse or lover, with your child, with your neighbor, your community, or with the rest of the world - your fellow human beings. Why do you turn from intimacy? Fear! Fear!
Do you waste energy by hanging onto fear?
So begins the great challenge. How do you let down your guard to be able to achieve true intimacy? By appreciating diversity, accepting differences, which are so much a part of life-whether it be diversity of thought, likes or dislikes, religious ideals, social and cultural differences, etc.
Are You Vulnerable?
Intimacy begins within, and it begins with vulnerability. Vulnerability is the state of being exposed, open, and susceptible to attack. Open yourself, be vulnerable, and reach out to another, to the many, to the all. Do not wait for someone to come to you. Move to them with your mind, with your heart. It matters not if they turn from you. You have not failed. You have achieved intimacy. You have come from love, with an open heart and it is their personal illusion of separation, their fear, which keeps them from connecting in an intimate way with you.
Be Open, Be Vulnerable
Allow yourself to be open to attack, so to speak. Remove your walls, trust your instincts. You may find the words "open to attack," uncomfortable. When you consider you are no different than another spiritual being there is no fear. Fear results when you feel threatened by differences.
In order to achieve intimacy, you only have to open your heart to receive the echo of another. When two or more are gathered - intimacy can take place. But it only takes one to understand. If you open to intimacy, then no matter what the response or the echo that comes back to you, intimacy has been achieved.
It can be difficult to trust if you have been hurt by another. It is important to move beyond the hurt, the anger, and not let it rule your present actions and reactions. Know you have the inner-peace and self-confidence to shed negative thoughts and actions that may come your way. Forgiveness comes into play here also.
When you bring forward love, acceptance, and compassion, you will know you have nothing to fear because the entire divine Universe is applauding you and urging you onward. As you learn to surrender, learn to let go of fear, learn to express love from the heart, life becomes much more satisfying.
Linda Pendleton, medium and author, is the creator and instructor of these courses on spiritual contact and spirit communication:
Healing Whispers: Communication with Your Spirit Guides and Angels
Journey to the Heart: Exploring the World of Spirit
Copyright © 2007 by Linda Pendleton. Excerpt from her online course Journey to the Heart: Exploring the World of Spirit. All rights reserved.
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