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Victimhood: Pilot or Passenger on Life's Journey?
By Linda Pendleton

Are you the pilot, or the passenger, of your journey through life?

Victimhood has become a way of life for many. If we are hurting and feeling abused from an action or reaction of our own creation, we may tend to find a degree of comfort in the illusion that we have been victimized.

How often have you blamed others for your reactions? Forgetting that it was your reaction and you could respond in a variety of ways. You have a choice in how you perceive and react to any and all situation and events. As the wise spirit guide Dr. Peebles, (1822-1922) who now makes his home on the other side - in the world of Spirit, tells us, "You are the paint brush. Life is the canvas. Learn this, and you will never feel the victim again."

I have learned from the spiritual teachings of Dr. James Martin Peebles that all life experiences are lessons and, therefore, a part of growth, and as he would say, "Great opportunities for growth!" At times, it may be difficult to see things in just that way, especially if we're emerged in sorrow, pain, resentment, or anger. At other times, we may come to see how it actually was a period of tremendous growth for us. Of course, it may have been a lesson we would have preferred not to have gone through.

If you feel the victim, that is exactly what you will be - the victim.

Within victimhood is:

• Escape from self
• Denial of self
• Helplessness and hopelessness
• Self-doubt
• Escape from life
• Lack of self-worth
• A reinforcement of the illusion of separation from the Divine Source, and your fellow man
• A retreat from the intimacy of life
• A faltering of love within your heart

When you take self-responsibility for your life it means you embrace the fact that, no matter what happens, you alone have the choice of how to interpret the event. Your perceptions are as unique as you are as an individual. How you see events in your life is a choice - your choice.

Look back over the various stages of your life, your canvas of life. Examine how you colored them with your paint brush.

Did you feel any of these emotions?

• The world is against me.
• It is unfair!
• Why is God doing this to me?
• Why me?
• I'm just stupid.
• Nobody likes me.

Now, after recalling those events, go over them again from a different perspective, this time with the understanding of how you could have taken responsibility and changed circumstances or the outcome. Even if the event was horrific and even if it altered your life, once you acknowledge your pain you can then choose to be free of victimhood perceptions. When you come to understand that you are the creator of your life, that understanding returns personal power, self-respect, respect of others, and most importantly, love, not only for self, but for others. Self-doubt leaves and self-worth returns. You regain self-empowerment, and with that comes the ability to face challenges that life may bring your way.

Many of us, if not most of us, are faced with a huge choice when we loose a loved one. I came to understand how important choice is in 1995 when my husband, Don Pendleton, died suddenly. Don was older than I, and when we spoke of the eventuality of his death before mine, I would tell him there was no way I could go on living without him. He would smile and tell me, "Oh, yes you can!" We had a very deep bond and just thinking of life without him made my heart ache. So when his death came, I soon realized I had a choice to make. I could retreat from life and go off in some dark cave somewhere and wait to die, or I could choose to go on living. I chose to go on, and to find joy and peace again, partly because I knew how much Don wanted that for me, and partly because my will to live was as strong as ever, even in the darkest and saddest moments of grief. And I now know it was that choice I made early on that got me through my journey of grief a little easier.

Have you been in a grief situation where you consciously made a choice to go on living and finding joy again?

Over the years, I have watched love relationships of friends disintegrate. You probably have, also. As an observer, I have also noticed how difficult it has been for each of the parties to take responsibility for their part in the breakdown of the relationship. Some of these people chose to take on the role of victim. And some, sadly, are still holding onto that victim role years later.

I'm not suggesting grief following the loss of a loved one, through death, or divorce is easy. It is not. It is a difficult journey and it takes time to heal. Keeping yourself in a positive state of mind will help to work through it.

Don Pendleton coined the phrase "Live Large!" more than thirty-five years ago with one of his well-known fictional characters, Mack Bolan. How true that is! By living to the fullest, is where we find contentment and happiness.

Our creative dance of life is a dance of change and new beginnings. How will you choose to dance upon your stage? Will you be the choreographer, the composer, the arranger, and the director? It is your show and only you decide how you want to present it. And the best way to present it is without expectation and with an open mind and loving heart.

The journey of our soul is a fascinating one. It may have its dark places at times, but it is within the darkness that the greatest light can be discovered. As Dr. Peebles tells us, when you can understand that you are the pilot of your life, that you are at the controls, then life will become a journey of joy. In understanding that you are in control of your own locomotion and the natural movement of the universe, change will not be feared. It will be welcomed as another lesson to study and learn from.

What will be your choice? It is up to you.
Dr. Peebles' spiritual psychology is based upon three important principles used in tandem, the third being, "Self Responsibility, for you are the eternal creator, never the victim."


Copyright © 2006 Linda Pendleton. All rights reserved.