Grief Songs
Grief Songs: Music for a Grieving Heart
© 2009 by Marty Tousley, CNS-BC, FT
People have known for centuries that music touches the human soul. We know intuitively that music affects us in profound and healing ways, both emotionally and physically, and present-day research demonstrates this to be true. In health care settings such as hospitals, clinics and hospices, music therapy is found to be remarkably effective in helping to calm patients, reduce stress, ease muscle tension, promote movement and manage pain.
. . .one of the most beautiful gifts that humans have brought to the earth is music. In great music, the ancient longing of the earth finds a voice . . . Music ministers to the silence and solitude of nature; it is one of the most powerful, immediate, and intimate of sensuous experiences. Music is, perhaps, the art form that brings us closest to the eternal because it changes immediately and irreversibly the way we experience time. When we are listening to beautiful music, we enter into the eternal dimension of time. Transitory, broken linear time fades away, and we come into the circle of belonging within the eternal. The Irish writer Sean O’Faolain said, “In the presence of great music we have no alternative but to live nobly.” [John O’Donohue, in Anam Ċara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom, pp. 72-73]
 The First Year of Grief: Help for the JourneyUnderstand the nature of grief and loss and their potential impact on all aspects of your life: physical, financial, emotional, social and spiritual. Learn how to move through grief actively and make the process of mourning a healing one. Find support and guidance in dealing with the many facets of grief. Learn more about this source of online support by grief counselor Marty Tousley. |
When we are struggling with grief, music can lift us up, take us out of our current mood, and transport us to another time and place. When we cannot find the words, a particular song may express our thoughts and feelings even better than we are able to do. With lyrics or without, music can be used as an escape or a respite from our pain, or as a form of relaxation or meditation while we confront our sorrow. Music helps us to remember the one who died, and it can help to bring a sense of balance, peace and harmony back into our lives, even if only for a moment.
The following message was posted recently by one of our members in the Behaviors in Bereavement Forum on our Grief Healing Discussion Groups Web site:
. . . I have been listening to music that makes me both happy and sad, because it reminds me of my dad. Some of the lyrics make me cry, and some make me smile. I should probably only share the happy stuff, but no, this site also acknowledges the sad feelings, I feel. So, I don’t mean to make everyone sad, but I wanted to share a song:
If I Could Be Where You Are – Enya
Since this post first appeared in mid-December of 2008, several other members have added links to a number of beautiful songs whose lyrics have touched them in some meaningful way. Due to copyright claims, you may find that, when you click on the links we’ve included below, some of the videos no longer appear on YouTube. If that is the case, try typing the title of the song and the artist into YouTube’s search engine to see if another rendition of the song comes up for you.
If you’ve found a special song that soothes you or helps you remember your loved one, you are invited to add it to our list by posting it in a comment:
Heaven Was Needing a Hero – Jo Dee Messina
My Heart Will Go On – Celine Dion
Wind Beneath My Wings – Bette Midler
Bridge Over Troubled Waters – Simon & Garfunkel
Smile – Chris Rice
I Know You by Heart – Eva Cassidy
Have I Told You Lately That I Love You – Rod Stewart
Last Time by Moonlight – Enya
You Raise Me Up – Josh Groban
To Where You Are – Josh Groban
Remember Me – Josh Groban
You’re Still You – Josh Groban
For Always – Josh Groban
Smile – Josh Groban
In the Arms of The Angel – Josh Groban & Sarah McLachlan
Vincent – Josh Groban
When I Get Where I’m Going – Brad Paisley
You Can Let Go – Crystal Shawanda
Thank You – Johnny Reid
Until We’re Together Again – Tiffany Coburn
Mama – il Divo
Somewhere Over the Rainbow – Leona Lewis
Somewhere Over the Rainbow - Israel Kamakawiwo’ole’s Version
A Living Prayer – Alison Krauss
At Last – Etta James
I Miss You – Avril Lavigne
So Far Away – Carole King
Yesterday – The Beatles
Time – Alan Parsons Project
I’ll Stand by You – Carrie Underwood
I Believe – Diamond Rio
One More Day – Diamond Rio
I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing – Aerosmith
Livin’ Without You – TmobileTerrorist
Saying Goodbye to You - Karina Long
I Want You to Live – George Canyon
If I’d Have Known - Dillon J. Woods
Without You – Mariah Carey
Memory - Barry Manilow
The Twelfth of Never – Johnny Mathis
All Things Must Pass – George Harrison
If Tomorrow Never Comes – Barry Manilow
If I Should Love Again – Barry Manilow
Together Forever – Barry Manilow
Answer – Sarah McLachlan
I’ll Find You – Katie Giguere
Holes in the Floor of Heaven - Billy Kirsch and Steve Wariner
The Dance - Garth Brooks
The Living Years – Mike and the Mechanics
Lullabye (Goodnight My Angel ) – Billy Joel
I’ll Be Seeing You – Jimmy Durante
 First Year of Grief – support |
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the bridge over trouble water song does not work on this site…
We’ve swapped in a different version to fix the problem.
Thanks, Shelley.
Marty, this is a beautiful article and list of songs. I just posted a similar article myself on the healing power of bossa nova and African music. You might check it out. Great list, thanks.
My friend posted this on a myspace bulletin and when I heard it I knew I wanted to pass it along. For anyone who likes Mariah Carey this is a good song to listen to. It’s called Bye Bye.
Sorry here is the video for Mariah Carey’s song Bye Bye.
http://www.youtube.com/v/rJ5aNRpxRCo&hl=en&fs=1
I could spend all day on this site. This song by Mercy Me is just one that speaks to and of my heart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xm6ip3vxXSk
or
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doaHIOXIhH0
If I Only Had The Words - Todd Herzog
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cac5iXNREJg
‘FREEBIRD’ BY LENARD SKYNARD WAS PLAYED AT MY SON,S FUNERAL - I NEVER SEE ABIRD FLYING HIGH ABOVE WITHOUT THINKING OF MY FREEBIRD - MY SON - NOW FREE OF ALL THE EARTHLY CONFLICTS - OH I MISS MY SON SO MUCH - NEVER ENDING PAIN AND SORROW.
Freebird, by Lynyrd Skynard - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-_8xivRTsY
Eric Clapton’s “Tears in Heaven” is a great song … He wrote it for his little son when he died. I feel his pain and my pain also whenever I listen to it….
I have enjoyed listening to all of these songs. Thank you for the list. My son has been gone from my arms for 5+ years. I miss him terribly every day. The years have not gotten easier, just different. I have several songs I listen to that bring me some comfort: Dancing With the Angels (by Monk & Neagle), Godsend (by Dixie Chix), This is Your Time (by Michael W. Smith), Homesick (by MercyMe) and He is My Son (by Mark Schultz).
Blessings,
Sandy Jergens Ardolf
Dancing with The Angels, by Monk and Neagle - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Hr-5JX67hs
[Godsend, by The Dixie Chicks - No Video Available]
This Is Your Time, by Michael W. Smith - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blQrlj1cJSU
Homesick, by MercyMe - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvhrPMJe8LE
He’s My Son, by Mark Schultz - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tojf6tUVJCI
Tom and I went to see LOVE STORY on our honeymoon. After the fact, needless to say we realized that was not the best movie to see in this situation. Little did I realize eventually I would be living my own LOVE STORY.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjbQY8_vk1M
I would like to recommend a song
Go Rest High on that Mountain by Vince Gill
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRyKg5xMaXA
Thank You. This is a very nice list. I am passing it along to many people that will appreciate it.
Thank You.
The song I Hope You Dance by Ronan Keating reminds me of Melissa, my wonderful daughter. She certainly did dance during her all too short life. Melissa moved away from home to follow her dreams in NYC. She was at the top of her game, enjoying life. as well as her job at the WTC. On September 11, 2001, Melissa stopped dancing
http://new.uk.music.yahoo.com/singleVideo/?vid=4822547
This song moves me to tears. Go to the JaJa’s “Music to Live By” Web site, at http://www.thejajas.com/music/, then scroll to the bottom of the page, and click on the “play” link after the song entitled LIVE FOR ME.
The song “I’ll Be There” by Escape Club, Marty I know you wanted that one added to the list, and me, too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4jU2GkcO3Q
Also, the video I made for my dad with the song “Last Time by Moonlight” is available here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fk4qEgHH48M
This page of music is wonderful!
3 songs by Beth Neilsen Chapman:
I Find Your Love - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2GDG1sNHJE
Sand and Water - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WUUMfadaBQ&feature=related
Say Goodnight Not Goodbye - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKLRghVFfnQ&feature=related
(hope these keep working; her songs keep getting removed due to copyright laws)
From Patti:
This is an awesome page. Thank you for starting it. Here was my dad’s favorite song: Bring the Rain, by Mercy Me:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8HgAVenbUU
It started to rain just as my dad passed. He loved his water and rain is his way of saying Hi.
A song to remind yourself of the self-care needed in grief: “Gentle With Myself” by Karen Drucker
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihWYx-QJ95I
From The Compassionate Friends, for bereaved parents everywhere ~ the touching and beautiful song, Precious Child (music and lyrics by Karen Taylor-Good): http://compassionatefriends.com/precious_child.htm
Thanks so much for the reminder of how music helps us to heal.
I invite your readers to hear the album, “In Abba’s Arms” which has been used as an “inspirational companion” to those searching for healing and hope.
http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/Falzano
This song means a lot to me. I had it played at my son’s memorial service. I jsut think it speaks to him and I.
“If This Is Goodbye” by Mark Knopfler & Emmylou Harris - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McnNd3zCMv4
I recently saw The Guggenheim Grotto at a taping of the radio show Mountain Stage. After the show I bought their latest cd and was overwhelmed by the last track entitled “Heaven Has A Heart.”
The link to a YouTube performance is given below. Lyrics to all their songs can be found at The Guggenheim Grotto web site.
“Heaven Has A Heart” by The Guggenheim Grotto -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0OirvN76ZA
Expressing my grief through music is really helping me unlock my bereavement emotions. What I especially listen are really sad songs from Evanescence, that are laded with grief, anguish, repressed emotions and difficulties of letting go. She has a really beautiful and poignant voice, filled with emotion.
Saddest song (according to me): “Hello” by Evanescence, speaking about the moment when she learned the death of her sister
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ih61MJ72v1Y
This song truely expresses how I feel. I developed a slide presentation for my mom with this song in the background. I hope it touches you as it did me.
Title: I Sure Miss You
By Jason Crabb
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbhClDMx5aM
Finally, after reading several posts about guided meditation cd your one clarified some things i was confused about them.
Olivia Newton John inspiring song, “Let Go, Let God” for the grieving heart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CZ0XJqWRr4
I Can Only Imagine by Mercy Me: http://www.tangle.com/view_video.php?viewkey=2e7690242ad3b556e626
It shares the all the emotions we could go through when entering heaven. It lightens a burdened heart.
Together We Can Heal
Sponsored by Pikes Peak Hospice, this sensitive recording specifically addresses the difficult issues surrounding the loss of a loved one. The lyrics of these songs communicate and empathize with the wide range of emotions experienced when grieving. The listener may find this recording to be a sensitive healing companion that can penetrate the barriers of despair and loneliness.
With Phil Volan on Guitar, Steve Barta on Piano, The Pikes Peak Singers among others. Lyrics included
Instruments: Piano, Guitar, Bass, Vocals, English Horn
to hear:
http://www.stevebartamusic.com/heal.htm
to order:
http://www.stevebartamusic.com/orders.htm
This charming video warms my heart and gives me hope for all of us:
What a Wonderful World, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rooyt3ptNco&eurl=http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2009/02/24/Unbelievable-Baby-Deer-and-Kitten-Video.aspx
I heard “Sissys Song” by Alan Jackson for the first time the night my mom passed away. I listen to it often, when I just want to stop whatever I’m doing and think about her.
Sissy’s song is on youtube (for moment) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbYItdf6IBc
These two songs were mentioned in an NPR Fresh Air interview recently - as part of a memorial service for (poet) Kathleen Sheeder Bonnano’s daughter.
Coldplay – Yellow
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qI8I6qcxWyU
Shaggy – Angel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjQWo6ICHLc
I’ll Be There by Escape Club
My Immortal by Evanescence
“Still” and you can hear it at http://www.myspace.com/gerrithofsink
It’s the first song on the player.
Songwriter, Gerrit, wrote this song after his daughter had a stillborn son.
Here are youtube links for Lisa’s song suggestions above… (thanks Lisa!)
The Escape club I’ll Be There
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9mEYZxkDsM
My Immortal by Evanescence, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bU9FwP4uOY8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=keED-eCum20&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFRm2srRC64
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rl7r2ApESN4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVLsETDwfWQ&feature=PlayList&p=3AFDE0E2E2DC867F&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=37
http://www.metrolyrics.com/the-time-is-now-lyrics-moloko.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epP3N2CAlEA&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LK1CGsUi6w4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Coso903CwQk
Joe Cocker - The Great Divide
Nights are long
And the wind is howling down
Into the hollows
Somewhere deep inside
I can hear you calling out
Across the great divide
Right or wrong there’s a feeling in my heart
I try to follow
But lately i just hide
And my dream of someday crawling out
To cross this great divide
Isolation
Heart like a drum
And the beating is wearing me down
Standing at the station
But the train never comes
Still I’m hanging on
Like some old ghost town
Miles to go but I see that one way out
Stars in the distance
Skies are open wide
Waiting for my soul to rise
Above this great divide
Desperation
Is a dangerous blade
In a reckless and trembling hand
Sweet salvation
Just a thin line away
I should cut and run
But I’ll make my stand
Nights are long
But I’ll close my eyes again
Until tomorrow
Slip the bonds and ride
Touch the face I long to see
Above this great divide
We’ll be all We long to be
Beyond this great divide
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tj0_sLlW_Rs&feature=PlayList&p=585A1FCD8090DDAE&index=3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsIubn5Pp6s
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XSiH4y84YM
Another beautiful song by Michael W. Smith - Grace…not only beautiful song, but beautiful words…The entire dvd called “A New Hallelujah”
These songs are all great, and are definitely good to help the sad part of grieving. My mom passed away just under three years ago (January 8, so holidays are always a little hard)…and I have a memory of her goofing around with me in the living room, and we were dancing to Cher. So when you’re ready to smile a bit, I suggest “Do you believe in love” by Cher. I was going to try and play it at her memorial, but we decided to go more traditional with Amazing Grace, and One Day at a Time.
Miss you mom! Love you!
Held by Natalie Grant and Praise You in This Storm by Casting Crowns